Our Most Important Right

            The Chinese banned puns last week. Apparently, General Tso was finally fed up with people thinking he was a coward. Or something like that—I don’t really know much about China or its culture. Authorities have yet to announce what the punishment will be for disobeying the order (Get it? “Pun”-ishment), which clearly states: “Radio and television authorities at all levels must tighten up their regulations and crack down on the irregular and inaccurate use of the Chinese language, especially the misuse of idioms.”

            I know what you’re thinking: Who cares what the government of some country on the other side of the world is doing to its citizens? Here in the good old U.S. of A., we’re concerned with more important topics, like gun-control, not pun-control. (See what I did there?) After all, we have freedom of speech—The First Amendment says that we can say whatever we Goddamn please! Well, that might be changing.

            The United States Supreme Court is currently listening to arguments concerning free speech and the Internet. The case revolves around a man named Anthony Elonis, who was sentenced to four years in prison for posting explicit rap lyrics on his Facebook account. In his lyrics, he threatened to murder his wife and shoot up an elementary school. Elonis claimed to be venting through an artistic outlet, much like the rapper Eminem. The court said he was guilty of transmitting interstate threats “to injure the person of another.”

            While the national media blinds us with reports about Ferguson, Missouri, this much more important issue is being lost in the teargas. The Supreme Court’s decision concerning this “freedom of speech” issue has the capability of drastically changing the way we interpret the First Amendment, and consequently, the way we perceive America as a country, and as an idea.

            If the Court decides that Elonis is in fact guilty of transmitting interstate threats, then social media as we know it will be forever changed. Sure, there is no place for violence in a civilized society (except for in football, hockey, MMA, boxing, playground fights, television, war…) but Elonis did not commit a single act of violence. Remember the old saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” People say stupid shit all the time—especially on social media—but that doesn’t mean that they’re going to act upon their words.

            And what’s going to happen if the court decides against Elonis, against free expression? Who will get to decide who’s a legitimate threat, and who’s just some dumb-ass who had a bit too much to drink before signing on to Facebook? For example, what happens if I say: It sure would be nice if someone cut off Tom Brady’s left leg just below the knee? (That sonofabitch would probably still throw for 3,000 yards.) Or, the world sure would be a better place if Kim Kardashian wasn’t in it. Could those statements be taken as threats? I bet Kanye West would think so.

            As a writer, I have a much larger stake in this issue than most people, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t concern every American, regardless if you use social media or not. Altering our First Amendment could cause a very large ripple effect. If the Court starts interpreting the words we use, then what’s next? Do you want to live in an America that has free speech, or an America that’s free of speech? We can’t allow a crooked government to rob us blind. Do you really want to be left without our most important right? Oh shit! I just got banned from the Chinese Internet.