A SLIPPERY SLOPE

A SLIPPERY SLOPE

Characters

The Judge

The Prosecutor

The Defense Attorney

Setting—The American South, the near future

JUDGE   (Slams gavel on bench) Next case.

PROSECUTOR   Sir, The People versus Clayton Harshfield. Harshfield has been charged with  harassment. An openly homosexual couple visited his fried chicken restaurant. Not only were they refused service, but when refusing to leave in protest, Mr. Harshfield physically removed the couple, resulting in three thousand dollars worth of medical care.

DEFENSE   Objection, Sir. The defense motions for an immediate dismissal of the case. My client, Mr. Harchfield, under the Religious Freedom Act, based upon his religious beliefs, has every right to refuse service to any and all homosexuals.

PROSECUTOR   But, Sir, though he does have the right to refuse service, he does not have the right to physically assault another human being.

DEFENSE   Actually, Sir, my client’s religion does allow him to assault homosexuals at his own discretion. By not allowing my client to practice his religion, you will be in clear violation of the Religious Freedom Act. Remember, Sir, as a religious person, my client is granted the rights to practice his religion however he deems necessary.

JUDGE   The court, under Section 2 of the Religious Freedom Act, finds Clayton Harshfield not guilty (Slams his gavel on bench). Next case.

PROSECUTOR   Sir, The People verses Cornelius Caruthers III. Caruthers has been charged with fraud. Documents show that he conned over a dozen homeowners out of thousands of dollars each by selling them fake insurance.

DEFENSE   Objection, Sir. The defense motions for an immediate dismissal of the case. My client, Mr. Caruthers, under the Religious Freedom Act, based upon his religious beliefs, has every right to commit fraud against anyone in which he chooses.

JUDGE   The court, under Section 2 of the Religious Freedom Act, finds Cornelius Caruthers III not guilty (Slams his gavel on bench). Next case.

PROSECUTOR   Sir, The People verses Frank Daniels. Daniels has been charged with armed robbery. He held up the local gas station attendant with a sawed-off shotgun.

DEFENSE   Objection, Sir. The defense motions for an immediate dismissal of the case. My client, Mr. Daniels, under the Religious Freedom Act, based upon his religious beliefs, has every right to rob, by gunpoint or whichever other means he deems appropriate, anyone in which he chooses.

JUDGE   The court, under Section 2 of the Religious Freedom Act, finds Frank Daniels not guilty (Slams his gavel on bench). Next case.

PROSECUTOR   Sir, The People verses David Sullivan. Sullivan has been charged with child molestation…

DEFENSE   Objection, Sir. The defense motions for an immediate dismissal of the case. My client, Mr. Sullivan, under the Religious Freedom Act, based upon his religious beliefs, has every right to molest any child in which he…

[The Judge pulls a pistol from beneath his desk and shoots the Defense Attorney point blank in the chest. The Defense Attorney falls to the floor.]

PROSECUTOR   (taken aback) Sir! You just shot the Defense Attorney dead.

JUDGE   That is a fact. And…

PROSECUTOR   You just murdered a man!

JUDGE   It’s all right. My religion permits me to murder anyone I seem undesirable to live upon this earth, which includes that scum. (Points at body)

[The Judge and The Prosecutor break into laughter.]

PROSECUTOR   Come on, Sir, let me buy you a drink.

JUDGE   Unfortunately, I’m going to have to pass. My religion has a strict No Alcohol policy. In fact, it permits me to murder anyone who does drink.

[The Judge points the gun at The Prosecutor. The Prosecutor covers his head with his arms.]

JUDGE (Breaks into laughter) I’m just kidding, my boy. Come on, let’s go get that drink.

[The two men exit stage, hands on each other’s shoulders, stepping over the Defense Attorney’s body on the way out.]

Curtains Close