Springsteen in ’16: An Argument for The Boss

           

           As Americans, is it not our duty to do what we believe is best for the future of this nation? Even if that means running for President of the United States? If you truly believe that you are the best person for the job; that you will be a better leader than anyone else currently running; don’t you have a responsibility as a citizen to campaign for the position? So, I ask, Bruce Springsteen, why haven’t you declared your candidacy yet?

            Listen, Bruce, I think we can all agree, that at this point, you are a better choice than anyone else in the race. Let’s begin with your credentials. You are a celebrity! A much more popular celebrity that Donald Trump and look how good he’s doing. And not only are you a celebrity, but you are a celebrity who’s been outspoken about political issues in the past. When Reagan name dropped you in his 1984 reelection bid, you didn’t hesitate to speak out against him. You were on the forefront of charity songs when you performed on “We are the World.” In the 1990’s, you fought for gay marriage long before it was popular to do so. And you campaigned for Barack Obama, our country’s first African American President, in both 2008 and 2012. Isn’t it time to start campaigning for yourself?

            Who else can sing about the plight of blue collar workers while selling out stadiums whose cheapest seats are $93? These are the same kind of supporters you’ll need when raising taxes is inevitable. Who else can sing about “Girls in their Summer Clothes” as a man in his late fifties and not sound creepy? If anything, you made it sound sincere, even romantic. Who else can perform in front of millions of people at the halftime of the Super Bowl and not rely on dancing, props, or sex to sell it? Think about it Bruce—nobody doesn’t like you. Sure, people might say things like, “I don’t care for his music.” But nobody has ever uttered the words: “I hate Bruce Springsteen.”

            And for Christ’s sake, your nickname is “The Boss.” The Boss! What better nickname for the President of the United States? And you have countless songs at your disposal to use for your campaign. “Born in the USA,” anyone? Hell, when you’re debating these other clowns on national TV, just break out your acoustic and dive into something off of Nebraska. You’ll instantly win over half of America with a stunt like that.

            And I know what you’re thinking: It’s too late to run for president this year. Why not wait until 2020. Three words: Springsteen in ’16! This is the only year that works. The only year your name rhymes perfectly with. Never again will you have a better motto. Say it again: “SPRINGSTEEN in ’16!” Awesome! The best political slogan since “All the Way with LBJ,” way back in 1964.

            So, Bruce, what do you say? We need you. For lack of better words, you were “Born to Run!”