An Accidental Trendsetter

            “So, what do you do?”

Boy, do I hate that fucking question. The answer, it seems, should be simple. Let’s see, what do I do? I wake up, I eat, I work, I train, I create, I sleep, I repeat. But that’s not the answer people are looking for. When people ask, “So, what do you do?” what they’re really asking is: “So, what do you do that earns you money?” Simply put, I don’t think that’s anybody’s business but their own, yet, every time I meet someone new, they ask, “So, what do you do?” There are two reasons people ask this question. 1) They are horrible conversationalists and have no other topics in which they can talk to strangers about. Or, 2) They have amazing professions that they really want to tell you about. Either way, it’s a horrible question to ask someone you don’t know. But since we’re on the topic, what exactly is it that we do? I suppose, more than anything, we give ourselves labels—I’m a doctor; I’m a lawyer; I’m a clockmaker…Almost always, when we label ourselves, we use our profession, the thing we do that makes us money. But I think our society needs to break away from that. I think we need to talk about our other labels, perhaps all of our labels. And I suppose, since I’m writing this—making these words nothing more than a conversation with myself—we might as well focus on me.

“So, what do I do?”

If we’re talking about money: I’m a carpenter; a construction worker; a skilled craftsman; a truck driver; a forklift operator; a welder; a laborer; an organizer; a janitor; an installer; a foreman; a helper; a painter; a hole digger; a concrete worker; a landscaper; and a writer. (Note: It’s interesting, that out of all those things, I make the least amount of money writing. That’s right all of you aspiring writers—I will make more money this week cleaning up other people’s messes than I will in writing this essay! Though, on a more positive note, I will take more pride in this one sentence than I will in all of those other things combined.)

If we’re talking about things not pertaining to money: I’m a son; a grandson; a brother; a nephew; an uncle; a friend; a boyfriend; an athlete; a runner; a cyclist; an editor; a photographer; a competitive eater; an artist; an illustrator; a trivia aficionado; a hiker; a backpacker; a camper; an outdoor lover; an adventurist; a mountaineer; a skier; a humorist; a romantic; an alcoholic; a history buff; an avid reader; a publisher; a graphic designer; a blogger; a film fanatic; a poet; a lyricist; and a writer.

And then there are all the things I used to be. I am a former baseball player; wrestler; rugby player; boy scout; dishwasher; cook; caddy; clerk; counselor; doorman; coach; captain; treasurer; drug user; drug smuggler; customer service representative; technician; salesman; hot dog vendor; cold caller; machine operator; Ph tester; auctioneer; lawn mower; snowboarder; hipster; leaf picker; farmer; inmate; and student.

I’m sure there’s a bunch more that I’m forgetting, but of all the different things I can be labeled, the one that’s probably the most surprising is trendsetter. That’s right, I’m a trendsetter, but I swear it’s only by accident. It’s just that the activities I do, the things I become interested in, and the clothes I wear, always seem to be a few years ahead of the rest of society. I’m not sure why this is, but it just is. Some examples: I was two years ahead of the bandana craze of ’98; I was wearing skinny jeans almost a decade before they became fashionable (sure, they were my mother’s old jeans that she wore in high school in the 1970’s, but still…); all through college I wore the same pair of cutoff camouflage shorts and soon as I graduated they were being sold at Abercrombie and Fitch; I listened to Americana music long before Mumford and Sons made it mainstream; I was into hiking way before Instagram ruined it; and don’t even get me started on this whole “lumbersexual” craze that’s trending as we speak.

Like I mentioned before, I’m not really sure how I became a trendsetter, or why this is happening to me. But I know what you’re thinking—so, what are the next trends going to be? Okay, I’ll let you in a few of the things I’m currently doing/wearing that will soon be popular: I quit washing my hair about two years ago—no shampoo, no conditioner, nothing—so, get ready for that to be a thing. Fanny packs will most certainly be going back into style in the near future, as well as convertible pants, woman’s sunglasses with tiger print frames, and cuffing the ends of your jeans because they’re two sizes too long. Let’s see, what else? Self-publishing, because traditional publishers won’t give you the time of day—that should be a trend soon. As well as writing blogs that completely change topic halfway through. And as far as entertainment: Jeopardy should soon be a hit among Millennials and Brandi Carlile should be the next Adele. Don’t believe me? Just wait a few years and you’ll see. After all, I am a trendsetter. So, what do you do?