“You can take my gun when
you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.”
That phrase was all it took to send Sebastian Flint over
the edge. Never in his life had he been involved in a gun-related incident; nor
had anyone close to him. He had never been in combat and was certainly not disturbed
by images of war. Even the upward trend of school shootings did nothing to
alter his views on guns. It was a sticker with the above phrase, adhered to the
bumper of a 1993 Dodge Dakota that cut him off on a highway in
middle-of-nowhere Utah that caught his eye. If people like that couldn’t drive
in a safe manner, he thought, how could they be responsible enough to handle
firearms? From that moment on, Sebastian Flint understood his calling in life.
He was to become an antigun protestor.
For many in the region, the Colt County Gun Show was the
most spectacular event of the year. Everyone who knew anything about firearms
within a hundred and fifty mile radius was there. As was Sebastian Flint and
the two dozen antigun protestors he led. Flint’s Army, as they would later become
known, stood outside the entrance to the Colt County Gun Show, exercising their
First Amendment rights. They all dressed as soldiers and carried fake rifles
carved out of wood, the end of each one piercing a baby doll, which was naked
and covered in fake blood. They held signs that read: “Ignorant,” “Solutions,”
“Injure,” “Society;” and chanted those words as the gun lovers who entered the
show paid little attention to their antics.
Inside the Colt County Gun Show, a man named Harrison
Guard was demonstrating his new invention, aptly named the “Harrison Guard.”
The “Harrison Guard” was an app for one’s Smartphone that allowed its owner to
lock or unlock the trigger of their gun with a touch of a button, no matter
where the gun’s owner was located—even if he or she was a thousand miles away.
The benefit of this new invention, or so Harrison Guard claimed, was to enhance
the safety of one’s family when the gun’s owner was away from his firearms. For
example, say you were out of town on business with teenagers left in the house;
surely you wouldn’t want your firearms getting into the hands of those said teenagers.
But, what happens when an intruder breaks in to your house with a weapon of
their own; surely you’d want your teenagers to be able to protect themselves.
Wouldn’t you? That’s where the “Harrison Guard” comes in handy. The teenagers
could simple call you, you could use the app on your phone to unlock the
trigger, and the intruder, well let’s just say, he should have paid attention
to the sticker on your window that said: “We don’t dial 911.”
“Can I try it out?” a woman in the crowd asked.
“Of course you can,” Harrison Guard proclaimed excitedly.
He handed the woman a pistol that he had brought for this very occasion. “Point
it at me,” he said.
The woman pointed the gun at Harrison Guard.
“Okay, now,” Harrison held up his Smartphone and pressed
a button, “pull the trigger.”
What Harrison Guard hadn’t considered was that the app
symbol for the “Harrison Guard” looked strikingly similar to another app on his
phone, one that immediately called the nearest law enforcement agency to alert
them of criminal activity. Unfortunately for Harrison Guard, he pressed the wrong
button. As the bullet slammed into his chest, a loud blast echoed through the
convention center.
Seeing a woman across the aisle shoot a man in broad
daylight, Arnie Shaver, owner of Shaver’s Guns and Ammo, immediately raised a
rifle and shot the woman in her head. Having witnessed Arnie Shaver, of
Shaver’s Guns and Ammo, kill a woman in cold blood, Gus Hart, of Gus’s Hartillery
and Knife, raised a rifle of his own and shot Arnie Shaver in the gut. Marsha
Valdez, proprietor or Big Martha’s Guns for Girls, instantly raised a pistol
and took out Gus Hart, of Gus’s Hartillery and Knife. Within a few seconds,
bullets were flying everywhere. Between the blasts of gunshots, people could be
heard screaming phrases such as: “God bless America,” “Guns don’t kill people,
I kill people,” and “This is the greatest day of my life!”
Outside the Colt County Gun Show, Flint’s Army didn’t
think anything of the deafening sound of gunshots coming from inside; they
assumed that’s what gun shows were supposed to sound like. In fact, they didn’t
take any notice of the incident until several cars full of law enforcement
pulled up in front of them.
The Colt County Police Department, having received an
urgent alert from Harrison Guard’s phone, arrived at the Colt County Gun Show in
full force and immediately determined that it was Flint’s Army that was causing
the mayhem. After all, they were dressed as soldiers, they were carrying guns
(piercing dead babies), and they were holding up signs that read:
Ignorant
Solutions
Injure
Society
Believing that they were fighting a homegrown terrorist
cell, the Colt County Police Department opened fire on the defenseless
protestors. The protestors, having no way to fight back, or even protect
themselves for that matter, rushed through the entrance of the Colt County
Convention Center, where they were surprised to find hundreds of lifeless
bodies covered in an unprecedented amount of blood. In order to defend
themselves against the onslaught of police officers that had followed them
inside, they immediately went for the guns.
A shootout ensued, and Flint’s Army, having no concept on
how to properly use firearms, quickly found their numbers depleting, until,
eventually, only one of their own was left standing. The last survivor, knowing
there was no chance for escape, rose from behind a pile of dead bodies and
pointed a revolver at a legion of Colt County Police Officers.
As they
riddled his body with bullets, the last thing that crossed Sebastian Flint’s
mind was, “You can take my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.”
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