The Highs and Lows of Hempstalk

Bongs. Bowls. Pipes. Grinders. Guns. Guns? The first four items listed are all things one would expect to find at a festival celebrating marijuana. The fifth item—guns—is the last thing anyone wants to see at a festival celebrating marijuana. But yet, as we walk through the north entrance, past security, as a man rifles through Katelin’s backpack, I am absolutely taken aback by all of the guns.

We are at Hempstalk 2014, the 10^th annual festival that “advocates decriminalization of marijuana for medicinal, industrial, and recreational use.” Unlike the past few years, which saw the festival hidden far from public viewing at Kelley Point Park in North Portland, this year’s event is taking place right in the heart of the city, at Tom McCall Waterfront Park, smack dab between the Willamette River and the towering structures of downtown. The advertisement in the local rag promised a fashion show, a hemposium (whatever that is), crafts, food vendors, and music. Lots of music. With artists with names like Los Marijuanos, Herbivores, Mac & Dub and the Smokin’ Section, and the Cannabidroids. Yes, this festival seems to have everything a marijuana enthusiast could ask for. Except one thing—Marijuana!

Once security decides that Katelin isn’t hiding any drugs in her bag, we are allowed to enter the venue. On a stage to the right, a comedian is telling horrible jokes about what Christmas would be like if Jews celebrated it. No one is laughing. No one is laughing because no one is high. Also, because it’s not funny (perhaps it might be funny if you were high?). And also, because there are only a handful of people listening. The large grassy area in front of the stage is empty. The comedian is performing for no one. Because no one wants to go to a marijuana festival where marijuana is prohibited. It would be like going to a beer festival that had no beer. And, nobody wants to go to a marijuana festival where an army of security personal dressed like the cast of the Expendables 3 outnumber people with tie-dyed t-shirts and dread locks. It makes me wonder: What the hell were the organizers thinking?

Performing stand-up for nobody is hard...

This November, Oregonians get to vote on whether or not to make Marijuana legal. By putting Hempstalk front and center, in the public eye, the organizers probably thought it would help to promote their initiative. Unfortunately, I think their strategy may have backfired. When I think about Marijuana, I think about the underground—anti-government, anti-corporation, anti-“the man.” But as I walk around Hempstalk, the only thing I really see is consumerism at its worst. Everything is for sale. It’s like a Walmart for stoners—cannabis camouflage, Seattle Seahawks bongs, pipes that look like something Gandalf would smoke out of, crystals shaped like skulls, “FREE BONG With purchase of a grinder.” On their website, founder Paul Stanford claims that "Hempstalk is about the many uses of agricultural hemp fiber, oil, protein, fuel and medicine.” Yet, as far as I can tell, 99% of the vendors here are trying to make a quick buck from those who use the plant for purely recreational purposes. Can you even imagine what it’s going to be like when the big corporations get their hands in the cookie jar?

After walking around for about a half-hour, it becomes perfectly clear that Hempstalk is not for us--the atmosphere feels more like a trade show than a festival. I know for a fact that there is not a single thing in this entire venue that is necessary for the consumption of marijuana. In fact, the only thing absolutely needed for the consumption of marijuana is the one thing that you won’t find at the festival. Plus, nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a bunch of people walking around with guns. If this is any indication of what the world will be like with legalized weed, then I’m not so sure that legalization is the way to go. And with the threat of giant money-hungry corporations quickly putting them out of business, I wonder if that’s the reaction the organizers were really hoping for all along.